Tigger’s Electric Scooter

You may or may not be familiar with Tigger. Tigger is a character first introduced in the Winnie the Pooh series many years ago in 1928 by A.A Milne and illustrated by E.H Shepherd. I have read and watched some tv series as a child and possibly a movie. Although, it is hard to remember what I watched since it was so long ago. This is a British creation so you may not know about this. It is for children. It is also one of the most popular characters adapted for film and television by The Walt Disney Company.

Today, I intend to warp and destroy any innocence with a brief story that is to be direct and confrontational to society.

22nd June 2021

Tigger yawned as the sun splashed into his awakening eyes. The trees swayed and the grass was fresh with new day mildew. Bees buzzed and the air was subtle and cool and Tigger enjoyed the breeze across his face.

Alas, what is beside this large oak, he thinks to himself. His favourite ‘waking’ up spot is tarnished with a contraption unnatural. No animal goes near it. The birds do not sing on the branches, but instead fly away into the forest. Winter is coming, the leaves are becoming orange and copper, like his colours.

He mounts the device, the only logical solution. The metal handle and metal frame remind him of the old tractors that used to pass over the land.

He finds some rusting keys. Tigger is unaware of how to operate the machine. A small scooter he guesses. On the turning of the key, on the turning away…

…Tigger is blown to oblivion. The electric scooter plummets into the air and debris, smoke and scoldered metal come crashing all over the meadow. The lime green grass tainted black.

From the cloud of smoke above Tigger’s destroyed body, his arms and legs scattered all over the nearby bushes and branches and his head shooting through the sky somewhere over the m6 by now, comes floating down a crumpled piece of paper. Lucky for you, it lands writing up as it burns up.

A blank piece of paper is burning to ashes.

An increasingly popular water sport…

Water is essential to keeping our bodies functioning throughout our busy day. Without enough fluid or water, we become ‘dehydrated.’ Imagine leaving a grape in the sun for a few hours…

To compensate for lost fluids, to balance electrolytes and to maintain a healthy blood pressure, kidney function, heart rhythm and brain cognition, we MUST drink enough. This is especially important in hot weather when our bodies lose more water than usual, or when we exercise and break a sweat.

Most experts recommend up to 8 glasses a day. Let’s just break this down.

GLASS = 250ml x 8 glasses = 2000ml or 2 L.

Hold on… that doesn’t appear to be much given our bodies are on average around 55% to 60% water. Most of that in the blood, liver and kidneys.

See the source image

Let’s crank it up to 300ml. = x 8 glasses = 2400ml or 2.4 L. Again, not much.

Normal daily fluid loss in healthy people is supposedly around 650ml.

2000ml – 650ml = 1350ml

From the picture above, it is easy to see how dehydration impacts the body. Your kidneys will be strained and they try to maintain electrolyte and blood pressure levels. The liver will become sluggish and will not be able to work or filter toxins effectively and the blood will ‘thicken’ or become harder to pump making your heart work harder.

The cure? Surely you need more water.

“I am thirsty, I need a drink.”

“Here’s some cold tap water.”

This is what would have once been the norm for the thirsty. The kids who used to drink water at lunch and dinner rather than the sugar and soda fest that occupies most households and restaurants nowadays. Would you let someone who is dehydrated drink fizzy soda rather than water?

You decide to bulk purchase a big 24 crate of still water – ‘mountain p*** for idiots’ (a fake made up company for this post).

The family is sitting around the table for a roast dinner. You surprise them by telling them you have bought the finest mountain spring water in the country. You decide you are more sophisticated than the average ‘cock (coke) at dinner drinker’ and decide to pour your family a glass of the water. They all hesitate but after you reassure them this mountain p*** is the best, they gulp it down, and ask for more.

Soon, you can’t buy enough of this stuff, and it only cost 20p a bottle – you prefer glass bottles as you want to look impressive to your coking neighbours. The recycling bin has never has so much use, your neighbours are tripping over their garden fences to see what you are dumping in those bins…again! One day, you roll up to your driveway, a trunk of not three, but four cases of this still mountain p*** and begin to unload. You don’t mind the aching arms or the shriveling skin around your neck. You are eager to give this family the best water. Not the peasant tap water or the sugar laced cock cans.

You take it slowly, unloading the bottles into the fridge in the garage. You decide to examine with pride the bottle. Your eyes are drawn to the label at the bottom. Your world has just been crushed, the bottle is slipping from your grasp, but the tears weltering in your eyes literally blinds you are you smash it on the floor.

The bottle is made by the same company that makes the soda, the biggest soda company in the world. Enraged, you hop onto the computer to check mountain p*** and the company name on the bottle. The site confirms it, lots of those diabetic and dehydrated soda drinkers back this company, and this company has created some of the largest water brands in the world. Mountain p*** being the most popular and the cheapest. They have other soft drinks, like orange juice and fruit juices.

The big brand that sells the sugary fizzy drinks is in fact selling these healthy drinks; thus, the profits are funding the large stakeholder, the dangerous drinks. The water brand is a front and you and millions of others have been deceived.

21st century, spring, still, sparkling and an assortment of flavoured waters with toxic additives and flavourings and sweeteners have been added to the market. The bottle waters are over priced and the majority have things added.

The term natural in the water world has no meaning anymore. The only way to truly guarantee safe and clean spring water is to test it yourself. You will probably find that bigger brands are allowed a ‘certain level’ of harmful bacteria in their waters and that bottled water is safer and much better for people.

It doesn’t matter how it is packaged. Water is water. Hyping a natural substance to be more than, when in fact is less than good quality is beyond reason. Granted, a glass of sparkling water with ice in the sun is refreshing. On top of that, the companies have total disregard for public waste, the billions of plastic bottles from these companies will take millennium to remove and clear. Their excuse for not using glass, albeit some do and others use tin, is that the cost of glass bottles is higher. Interesting, your bonus last year could have covered the difference and for a better cause.

Given that companies and advertising agencies are intent on pushing these expensive products on us, they could at least have the decency to tell us what those natural ‘flavourings’ are, because they could be anything. Third world countries have had masses of land and natural resources stolen from them, Bolivia for example. The water is bought by huge multinational countries who build damns, block water to local towns and instead divert and send it to the first world countries. If that isn’t good enough to avoid buying these products, then what is?

If the world is thirsty then give it a drink.

Hot & Flaccid

Daisy is an outgoing, attractive female. She is 25, brunettes’ shoulder length hair and exercises regularly. Her daily routine involves lots of work, volunteering, some study and then exercise, socialising and spending time with family when she can.

She is a pi in the eye of the universe.

Daisy has a friend call Sierra. She too shares most of the same physical qualities, except she has larger breasts. She is also banking and doesn’t volunteer. She prefers swimming to biking and you get it.

Daisy and Sierra use the same messaging platform to communicate. Friendship which has survived the harshness of winters and everything in between.

Today. Thursday. They both receive a special message from someone they have never heard of or met before.

Enter virtual stage: Reginald Humberslide. A thick jawboned male who likes to wear suits for his photos. His personal profile suggests he is interested in technology and some sports like horse racing, and rugby.

Reginald has messaged both Daisy and Sierra. They re-read the subject matter. They re-read the contents and title of the message.

Alas, the message is profane and does not leave any of them happy:

“Hi you look sexy, your profile looked good how would you like to chat a bit more? I can’t believe such a young woman as you is single and working!”

Daisy and Sierra share the message with one another to find that they both received the same. They spread the word amongst their female friends.

It soon emerges that a dozen women received this message.

Daisy responds to Sierra: “What a jerk!” (girl talk)

Sierra responds to Daisy: “I don’t feel so special anymore.”

You are Life!

I keep coming across posts on Linkedin that talk about progressing in life at your own pace. Rather than abiding by the ‘system’ that states you need to cross certain milestones at a particular age.

Example; raised to attend school and graduate at 16. You head off to college until 18 or 19. Then you go into an apprenticeship, work or further study at university. You then work until you reach the mid-life crisis where you sit in the park wearing a Hawaii shirt, black shades, drinking a Coors light and tripping balls on mushrooms. (sounds like Billy McBride from Goliath). You then ‘exist’ in the same career until you begin to shrivel like a prune and become stiff in the joints, unable to get up to take a p***. You reach retirement if you have survived this far. You have a poor savings account, barely enough to do much other than wait for your time to come. You have children who are far away and don’t really care about you anymore. You then lose your partner. You then come to realise you have either a) wasted your life working or b) not done enough and not explored earth enough.

In other words, regret. Regret can seep in before you reach that final part, the last act of life. You could change if you were 20 again. You’d do things differently. You would rather waste the days and sit in your own filth and self-obsession than making the most of that retirement. Many do. Wealth, the biggest divide in the world. Those with big accounts do more and those with less…you get the picture.

But a person – an individuals happiness, is not measured by wealth. In fact, people rate their happiness based on the people around them and how connected they feel. So, you can say that happiness is subjective. You either are or you aren’t.

If you could travel to the future and see what life will be for you, would you come back and then embark upon that path? It’s up to you. If you could go back in time and do it again, knowing what you have already done, would you repeat those things?

There is no time. If you begin to believe this simple concept, you will better be able to achieve whatever you want. Happiness? No problem. Wealth? No problem. Both share a common theme: effort, motivation, determination, ambition, courage, faith and acceptance.

  1. You need to put the effort in towards the goal you want to achieve. You could be 20, you could be 50. Energy expended is toward that goal.
  2. Motivation, without it you would not get up in the morning or try and better yourself everyday. You are motivated to achieve that goal. You feel refreshed motivating others or seeing their success.
  3. Determination. You want to reach that goal and achieve what you set out to achieve because you know that you can and that nothing can stop you. You are good enough. There is no rush. Those who take it slowly and efficiently are likely to have a strong house at the end.
  4. Ambition gives us a sense of self purpose. We are ambitious because we want to be seen as good, hardworking people. This is the only one on the list which I would say; don’t worry where you set your aim. If you have a dream or desire, the only things holding you back are low self-esteem or doubt.
  5. Courage to live another day, the courage to embark on your own journey. Don’t be afraid. You will not go far if you are afraid. Being aware of potential issues is good, but anxiety is a huge energy drain!
  6. Faith in yourself and God (if you believe) will give you a sense of purpose. Have faith that you are good enough, that you are better than your best self. Without faith you have nothing.
  7. Finally, acceptance, one of the highest states of being. I accept myself, therefore I accept others. Learn to love yourself and accept how you have been born into the world. Accept opportunities and friendships…you will go far if you both believe and accept in yourself.

How do you feel about your life? Do you feel happy? Is there something in your heart you are yet to set out to achieve?

There is no moment like the present. Remember time does not exist (in this perspective). That means you are not ahead or behind. You are here now and achieving (hopefully) something you want to achieve.

I saw the golden gates
And began to feel my own fate
And the ball was rolling
We were falling
Sinking and rising
Into the abyss
Coming out with bliss.

God, that was easy.

I start my day feeling rather energetic. Realising it is my day off, I head to the local private golf course.

My friend, Buffington Long-Goose, eases his rear end into position, he’s about to shoot his ball through the eighth hole of the course.

“So, hows the job?” he says, smoothly swinging his hips side to side, hesitating. He lunges his arms behind his head and moments later the ball is walloped into infinity. It plops down a hundred or so feet away in the green.

“Good, just raked in over fifty grand sir Long-Goose.” I waddle my white Slazengers up to the tee and prepare my blue ball for its journey.

“So, did you recover the one hundred pounds?” Long-Goose says, whilst pulling out a small glass of strong smelling whiskey from his coat pocket. The sun beats down, and half the birds hear his slurping as the cool liquid vanishes and he tosses his glass to the rough.

“No. Rather unfortunately.” I prepare, bending at the knees, locking my crooked eyes on the ball.

“Do you plan to eliminate her?”

My aim is thrown off course, the ball speeds through the air and plummets down into the sand dunes to the left. In the distance I see the waitress filling glasses of water. God, that was easy.


Friendship grows
Never getting old...

And sail away

Our past regrets
Memories formed
Time line skewed
Forging ahead
Quaking mountains

Make way
For shifting embraces
Fate touches us

Happy Pride Month to all those who celebrate, honour or respect it. (June 1- June 29)

An Annual LGBT Pride Celebration Every year, during the month of June, the LGBT community celebrates in a number of different ways.