Yesterday was my first walk outside. I was taken by someone out of town to a quiet trail, and covered 3 miles altogether.

At first, the moment I got into the car from coming outside, I sensed but didn’t really acknowledge something was different. Within minutes of the car moving, I felt myself panicking. I stayed calm and collected. But, I could not determine why I felt this strange feeling. I felt like crying and saying “take me back, I don’t want to do this.” It was overwhelming until I stuck a cd on I brought with me. It was a good idea, as the music I know relaxes me.

I wore my face mask at all times in the car, and when we parked up. On the walk, I kept a distance of at least 2m and sometimes more. When other people and cyclists would pass, I would put my mask back on until we were clear of them. It was a beautiful path, and endless fields basking around us in the sunshine. I enjoyed it.

It wasn’t all smiles. I still felt during the whole time, very apprehensive. I could not think properly at one point, and my memory and concentration were not the best. But I was calm, not panicking. I think it could have been anxiety, true anxiety, which I don’t actually suffer from until now. 2 and a 1/2 months inside has angered me, as the long term effects are going to be harder to overcome than the short term. For example, everyone who has been stuck inside should get some kind of support for coming back to normal life.

There were cows, and I took it upon myself to feed them some grass, whilst talking to them. They all seemed to enjoy my company, although at first they were scared. I also couldn’t help feel sorry for them. I don’t eat red meat, so knowing that a field of bulls is only going to be eaten saddens me. I wish we could all find another way to get our protein and stuff! Surely there is another way.

Here’s a quick poem dedicated to yesterdays walk, titled: WALK

When you show your face,

and get a nervous embrace,

let that anxiety fade,

kind of yesterday.

Thanks for being a dedicated readership of this blog. I hope to continue to read your posts too, they are fascinating and damned funny sometimes!